Spiritual Awakening

Yes! That is precisely what I am in the middle of - an awakening- spiritually. I just don't think I can accurately describe how I am feeling inside. I am excited and apprehensive all at the same time. Is that even possible?
Guess, so.
In an earlier post I referred to it as a 'makeover'. That would work for a description, too. I am going through the "fire", "toil", "weeding", etc., to become exactly as God would have me be for the follow through with His will for my life. But, I have to be willing first. Willing to follow Him. Willing to stay. Willing to even stay in life. So often I see people around me that literally give up. They numb themselves with either substances, food (uh, yeah, me too), or whatever - OR they kill themselves.
I know that God allows free will in us as humans. Sometimes your 'will' steps all over mine - especially when I think my will is right. What I am learning is that even though I think I have the best and most free thing to offer others - that information is not always what that person needs right then, from me. Also, unless you are ready - you won't be able to receive it. So, prayer is so very important.
I think I have often felt in the past "I need to DO something, prayer is good, but action is better." How wrong I often was. Yes, some things take action, but so many times I should have stopped and prayed - not just in the middle of the crisis, but before it happened. Not that my prayers will PREVENT anything - His will always prevails - but if I stay focused on me then I know I will be prepared. Preparation is so important - there is a verse in Proverbs that says "where there is no vision the people perish". How true is that for me and my life?
So, through saying all of this - what it boils down to is "I am powerless". I am powerless over so many things, but there is also a certain freedom in that - I am not responsible for anyone or anything except what I am directly in charge of. Me, my job, my children (to an extent), and my choices. I am so thankful for that and for this process of 'Awakening' He is taking me through!!