There is still so much room for growth and improvement but there are a few things 'right' about me also. I credit this to my foundation. My foundation in a church filled with real people that love Jesus. These people gave of their time and talents to feed into me. Paul M. and my grandmother M. fostered my love of music (although I can't carry a tune in a bucket). Music is to this day, one Lana and Curtiss and Linda (and countless others) gave of their time to not only lead the musicals that fed my naturally dramatic flare, but reinforced music as a conduit of God's love.
In my youth group there were Sunday school leaders, pastor's wives, friend's parents, and many more, that spent countless hours teaching and encouraging me, listening to me, mentoring me and cheering me on. They kept me grounded when I was irrational(remember that dramatic flare?). Because of these men and women I understand the importance of Bible study and memorization, of listening to immature teenagers that feel 'this' is SO important! Of giving back despite what my job or family obligations are - but to always keep life in order, God, family, friends.
Watching my mom and the mom's put in front of me growing up, has shaped the mother I am today. While I am not perfect, my heart is pure. I want only the best for my kids. I want them to love Jesus, share Jesus' love, and be counted on by those around them.
I want them to always do their best, admit mistakes and take personal responsibility at all times. I want them to know there is a whole other world 'out there' beyond themselves, their clothes, their social groups, and their town. I pray they always appreciate the little things but expect the big things in life.
As a wife I probably struggle the most. Not because of negative experiences, but because I can only consciously think of one couple that took time to verbally demonstrate - as well as living this out- what God called a wife to be. Or what the idea is of a Biblical wife. My mom did this, but was overshadowed by her divorce. I can see now that she did live out what the Bible calls us to as a wife to the best of her ability. There were even women in my church that were betrayed by their spouse, but chose to stay and work through it. I used to think, 'I would never...' Well, not that my spouse has cheated, but the struggles we have had have been varied and many. God has used the foundation I was given to keep me planted as the storms have RAGED from around me, but also inside me. I stand here, almost 17 years into marriage and think of so many should have, would haves, could haves and if onlys. But I also stand in the knowledge that 'He who began a good work IS faithful to complete it'. Whether its my parenting, my marriage, my life in general - I know that God has this! No matter how badly I may 'feel' I am screwing things up with my husband or my children, I rest in His promise that He is making something wonderful as my heart and steps continue to follow him.
So thankful for my 'village'!
