Let me begin by saying how absolutely blessed I am. Right now my heart is filled to overflowing with my love for God and His unfailing love for me.
My friends know some of all that I have been walking through lately within my immediate family. My husband, children, etc.
It is like the most natural thing that when I begin to go through difficult times to pull back within myself. Isolate. Push others back. Some of that is self protection - even a convoluted form of protection for the perceived problem or problem person within the situation. Following is an extremely lacking in detail list of all the ways God has reminded me this year of HIS faithfulness, HIS love, HIS kindness, HIS compassion, HIS complete inability to be anything except what he is - unchanging.
Five years ago God placed me in a church that fed me love, healing, and God's word. Through the teachings, small groups, relationships, and pastors there I am coming to better understand God's size and power. Too often I think I have seriously underestimated Him.
Seven years ago God brought SW into my life. God has so used her to meet physical needs (childcare, furniture, meals) that my family has had, but he has also used her over the years to meet emotional and spiritual needs I have had. I would say she has been my Titus 2 female. She has a heart of compassion and is always teaching.
Sixteen years ago, God placed an extremely kind hearted, service oriented woman. She has been used in my life to teach me what it looks like to be and act like a friend. In deeds, words, prayers, sharing, and teaching. She has been a mirror God has used for me to cause me to truly look at how I am treating others, but also about how God loves and sees me. I am forever grateful to have her in my life although I will never be to her what she is, and has been, to me over all these years.
Fourteen years ago God placed in my life a girl that was always so "bubbly", positive, uplifting, passionate, and effusive. For all that know me you know I am not so nearly at all like that. There are times, maybe, but it is not my God given daily personality. I was drawn to her - first because of how "straight" she sat in her chair - it fascinated me. Then because she was just so different than me. There have been times our differences have annoyed me - but only because I wish I had more of her "life" inside of me - or because she was so uplifting when I just really needed to sit on my pitty pot a little longer for my own suiting. God had so many other plans. He has used our friendship to meet needs in one another throughout these years - physical needs - cleaning, hair stuff, childcare, moving, etc. But, He has also used our friendship to remind me that there is another way to see life - there is also a very loving and gracious God just waiting to spend time with me. It has been so often that God has used her to speak the truth to me when I could not hear it from Him. For that I am ever grateful.
Thirty four years ago God also brought into my life one of the most kind, loving, stable, easygoing, people I have ever met. Compared to her I am a roller coaster ride. I joke all the time that God put her family next to mine to give me another family. But oh how true that is. She long ago went from "friend" to "family". Sister to me and all my craziness. She has seen me through so many difficult and trying times - always the quiet strength I needed right at the exact moment. Never saying no to listening to me. She has probably put up with more from me than any other person on this Earth except maybe my mom. I love her, trust her, thank God for her in my life. She brings warmth and joy into my life- a peace that comes from knowing each other so well and never having to start over. She is quick to forgive and always ready to smile. Her stability and ability to never let the "little" things (you know - the ones I think are mountains?) get her down or sidetracked - she ALWAYS knows there is a way through or around anything and instead of complaining - just presses on until she finds it. Oh that I could be more like her, too!
There are so very many others through out my life - teachers, Sunday school teachers, room mates, church youth friends, ministers, minister's wives, youth workers, employers, and on and on - that God has placed in my life to teach me, grow me, push me on to what I am supposed to be and get me to that next "point" in my life. I can never explain how blessed I am to not only have these people throughout the years, but so very blessed to realize how blessed I am and how precious they are. I just pray they will at some point fully understand what their lives and their time with me have done for me, my walk with Christ, and my life. I think I tell people, but that doesn't mean they really, really understand.
It makes me think of the Ray Boltz song, "Thank you". If for some reason they didn't understand it while here on Earth - at least I know God is just waiting to show them all they have meant and all the ways they have all touched lives - especially mine.
I pray for my kids daily. For covering and protection - for friends, teachers, and leaders that will be positive, reinforcing, Christ like people that continue to nudge them along the correct path. I see how God has placed people around me that have something in them that I wish I had in me - hopefully I am passing on to others what I have been blessed to receive.
Much love, thanks, and Merry Christmas to all my friends and family.
