So, here I am almost two months later. My soil has been turned, weeds are being torn out by the roots, and new seeds have been planted. God is so very good. Not only is healing happening, but also growth. New roots are forming - taking over where the weeds were growing and choking out Life.
I am so thankful for a Christian husband. One that loves his family, his wife, and his children enough to continue on this walk with me. Even when I am at my most fearful - walking completely in the flesh - God uses his willing heart to nudge me back. Prayer works. That is so important to know. It works for healing, for restoration, and for guidance. I have often wondered how people could say they "love Jesus" even when so much "bad" is happening to them personally. Where does that kind of devotion come from? I am not sure I have had that kind of devotion in the past, but not only am I coming to understand it now, but also the love part. I am genuinely in love with Jesus. Not because life is going my way -because there are things trying to come against my family that tend to make life difficult - or because I have everything I "want" or any other superficial thing like that. No, I am in love with Him because I now am beginning to see how very much He loves me despite all my "cracks". Through this firing process my own personal wax has been being melted away. My cracks that have evidently been being covered and filled in by superficial knowledge and words are coming out. Sort of like those games we would play on youth trips - "when squeezed (through a difficult situation), what do you get? Lemons or lemonade?" I was usually in the lemon group - irritated, bossy, bothered, etc. I could cover it well though when necessary.
Well, nothing like a fire to melt it all away. Again - I am not too fond of the process, but am so very thankful that He loves me enough to fill in those cracks with Him when they become exposed. I don't deserve that kind of love or grace - can never measure up. But for all I don't understand about God and His undying and unfailing love, I do understand He does know me, my circumstances, and where I am. He hears me, holds me, walks with me, and guides me.
So, I continue to grow my roots in Him, so when the winds and storms come, I am well "grounded" and difficult to move. I look forward to my time with Him and thank him so very, very much for His multitude of blessings!!
