I am so overwhelmed by the graciousness of God I almost don't even know what to say. Often the melancholy side to my personality tends to shine through more than I would like, but my prayer is that as God continues to grow me and shape me - then no matter what my circumstances might say, I am able to look at my circumstances each and EVERY time and say - "my God's got this!" and really truly believe it - not just say it because I am "supposed" to. You know?
Well, He never fails - always shows up - and is currently rocking my world. If I truly think back though - He has always done these things - I just easily forget and get caught up in the next chaotic whirlwind that is my life. I want to be that person that people think of and say - "wow, amazing how she is able to stay so calm and focused - always full of faith, and never allowing doubt to take hold."
Maybe in time - maybe.
Anyway -for now I am still me - I tend to blurt, assess a little too quickly at times, assume I know things (based on past experience - hahahaha!), I am fiercely loyal, and will freeze you out in a heart beat. Aren't those just fantastic qualities?
Anyway - over the years I have probably not gone through any more than any others on this fallen earth. Sometimes my situations have felt overwhelming- but God has always either pushed or pulled me through. Sometimes I went willingly, others I kicked and screamed the whole dad gum time.
I know for sure that grace is given to those who need it right when it is needed - not before - not after - right on time. Grace is what allows the believer to stand in the midst of overwhelming odds. Grace is that elusive substance that helps feed your faith and faith in turn doles out grace. It is such a gift to be in the midst of what I personally consider an overwhelming odds sort of situation and just when I don't think things can get better - a crack occurs - either within my heart - that allows love to enter and healing to happen - or within my circumstances - and that allows breathing, rest, reassessment of the really important things.
Ideally I am always on the lookout for what is really really important and sloughing off what is not - but I am not an ideal person yet. God is still working on me.
So, from illnesses, to financial issues, to marital problems, to work problems, to family problems, to death, to friendship issues, and just everyday wear and tear - GOD IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL.
Always.
So, for about eight months I have felt a true and pressing need to clean out my house - literally. My idea was to get rid of as much as I could in case things went south with my marriage and restoration was not part of the plan. I laid awake at night thinking about what all I would have to go through and move - UGH. Then when my husband and I moved back in together - the laying awake turned into dreaming about cleaning out my house - ALL of it. Getting rid of everything - even paint. I can't describe the pressing need I felt - I can't remember a time I have ever felt like this - not even when "nesting" while pregnant with my kids - although it is totally possible I have forgotten.
Anyway, being the fantastic procrastinator I tend to be, I just would talk about these dreams - knew I needed to get to it - but something always came up - mom's surgery, work, weather, illness, Christmas, focusing on rebuilding my marriage, baseball, school, Zumba, etc....
Then my 14 year old got accepted into color guard.
You would have to know how out of the box it was for her to even decide to put herself out there to try out to begin to understand the magnitude of her making the cut for this team. On top of that she was also awarded the Prudential Spirit of Community Award and gets to go to Washington, D.C. HUGE!
But, back to color guard. The cost is close to $1800 for the equipment, clothing, camp, etc. 1/2 has to be turned in this Thursday and the other half in May.
I hate yard sales. At no point during any of my thinking and dreaming did I think I needed to have a yard sale - I am a giver by nature and because with all of the stuff I have I knew I didn't want people coming and saying, "you want what! for this?!" I don't do well with that at all. My husband on the other hand thinks we should have yard sales any time we need money. Personally I have NEVER found them to be profitable - In all my years of doing yard sales - at my mom's house, our first house, this house, with other friends, etc - I have NEVER left with a "woohoo!! Look at all we accomplished" It has always been, "remind me never to do this again."
So, when all of this came up with the color guard, needing money, etc - My husband immediately said, "yard sale!" My immediate response to that was "UGH!!!!!" but, deep down I knew if we were asking our daughter to work hard and earn money - babysitting, etc, then I needed to not just pitch in with my zumba
If forced me to go through 28 year old boxes of STUFF. I mean really, who needs that? My kids tried on my wedding dress and I took pictures - we just had a relatively good time - then we had the two day yard sale. I had been praying about the yard sale - even at night with my kids. My prayer had been that we would at least make $500. I thought that would be great since I have never made more than maybe $200 in a yard sale before.
Cost of three day ad :$42.90
Cash to start day with :$50
Miscellaneous items:$50 (plastic wrap, fast food, etc)
Day one: brought in $655
Day two brought in $485
Grand total from sale $1140 - so able to deposit roughly $1000!
God DOUBLED what I asked for - and my youngest child was paying attention. He remembered the amount I had asked for and when we laid the money out on the table for the kids to actually see - to get a visual understanding of how much that was - then how much a trip to Hardee's was, how much a trip for Icee's were, house note for a month, etc. they had a better understanding of what all the push was for.
When Noah was able to say the amount I had prayed about and I was able to count out what God had brought in - well, it was HUGE.
I am saying totally overwhelming. I have known that God cares - he cares when we are sick, when we have a broken air conditioning, or a major marital crisis, but He also cares about a little girl doing color guard and her parents having the money to help her. His word promises, 'Ask and you shall receive, seek, and you will find, knock and the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8
So, I did - and He showed off!! Love it. I am still in so much awe - all over a yard sale of all things - but it is really more than that-
It is the fleece on the ground - the reminder that even the small things matter to God - He is not distant, He is real, present, and involved - He cares - more than I think I TRULY have given Him credit for - EVEN after EVERYTHING.
I have known and do know that God loves me - he cares if my children are safe, growing in Him, being taught correctly, loved on, and if I am growing in Him and loving on those in His church. He cares if my husband is struggling - He even cares if my son has food allergies and wants to be healed. He truly does.
But aren't I pushing it by asking the God of the universe to care about paying for color guard and having a yard sale?
No.
There could have been no better or more tangible lesson for me or my children or my husband this past weekend about what lengths God is willing to go through and to for His children - and on EASTER weekend when He had already sacrificed the ultimate sacrifice - His only son - and there I was concerned with color guard. Still I prayed, and He showed up - and showed off in a MIGHTY MIGHTY way.
In more ways than I can count that reminded me on such an extremely personal level that God loves Reeda Paul. Little 'ole Reeda - in this huge world and all its problems - He is constantly aware - always listening and forever faithful. He wants to show off - all I had to do was ask.
