So, just when I think I am going to 'lose it' on someone, God steps in. He - if I am asking and looking- gives me the words/reminders/songs I need to remind me of what I need to do or how to behave toward that person. Sometimes those words and directions are so very difficult to follow. Especially when I am 'right'. I so often want the other person to know I am right - and will continue on and on until they either admit I am right or just completely shut off. Yeah - not very adult and not smart at all. At least not if you really want to continue in relationship with that person. Seriously - how annoying is it to you to have someone go on and on when you don't agree with them and aren't going to change your mind no matter what they say? For me it is really annoying.
So, this week has been more of me re-learning this principle in my life. Another week of being reminded it is okay to keep my mouth shut - not because I am wrong, but because the situation is just not worth going on about. This goes back to keeping things simple, and choosing my battles - and deciding 'how important is it?' For you, the issue may be important enough to go to bat for - this time for me it isn't.
So, I kept my mouth shut, but where I feel I have failed is in allowing anger to seep in. Stewing over how 'unable to hear' - 'uncaring'- 'arrogant' - etc the other person is. I have used some very not nice words in my head to describe them also, but I will not post them for fear that will loosen my tongue and I will end up actually saying them out loud. This inability to let this anger go is extremely frustrating. I have prayed about it, cried about the hurt, etc. I am just tired. Tired of going forward and getting knocked back in areas I really thought I had learned so much in. Obviously I was wrong - there is more to learn.
Good news is that I am still willing to learn - even when I am not comfortable in the situation. I want my pride to be gone, but at the same time I am really fearful that if I let go of the anger/pride that I have then I will have nothing of my personality left. I am not saying I am an angry person all the time or so full of pride I have trouble fitting through doors. No, I do not see that as me at all - what I do see is that sometimes being right is all I have. Or so it seems. So, my prayer yesterday and today has been that God would continue to teach me my worth in Him- not what I feel I need to be worthy to the world, but to Him and His purpose He has for me. I am also praying that God would cultivate His love inside me. That it would be an automatic response to every affront. That my flesh would no longer lead the way - and when that happens pride and anger will have no home in my life.
I will tell you as I was talking with God last night about this situation once again, He reminded me that Jesus did everything He asks us to do - 'turn the other cheek, forgive 70 x 7, give everything, serve to the point of washing mud, donkey poo, and all other forms of trash off someones feet (that is serious serving), knowing His scripture inside and out, spending time with His father daily, seeking out the hardest to love and loving them'. My reply to this was from deep inside my two year old self, "yeah, God, but Jesus never had to apologize to someone. I am tired of always being the first to apologize." God's reply? "Well, yes, but Jesus didn't do anything that required an apology to others."
Of course. Point taken. So, on I go to keep on learning.
The Way of Love - I Corinthians 13:1-13 (The Message translation)
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
8-10 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incomplete will be canceled.
11When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
As I sit here, having completed this entry, a song from my childhood comes to mind. It is a Gaither song, I think - but not really sure. I don't remember the title but it goes, "Love is never stuffed up, never puffed up, never gives up when the going's rough. It's the sweetest little word you can say by the way. It's sympathy, it's sincerity, its charity (the main variety) and everything happiness is made of." How true is this simple child's song? How interesting it is for me that music is so very much a part of how I learn - I remember things easier when set to music - God knew He designed me that way and blessed me with a grandmother that filled me to overflowing with songs to fall back on. I can still see and hear her playing the piano, singing, directing us - those are some of my best childhood memories!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
A Whole New World.......has been waiting all this time
My six year old, Little Man Tate, is now in the first grade and has lost five teeth (his sixth is very near ready to leave him, too!). He still has all the health issues he has had since beginning problems came up at age four months, but wow! how blessed he is, and we are, to be this far.
I went to his school yesterday to check him out for yet another follow up. Thankfully we were headed to the GI doctor that he loves so much. The waiting room is literally filled with baseball memorabilia - stuff from a stadium that was torn down - the ticket booth of that stadium is the doctor's check in window, the wood stadium seats are bolted to the floor for you to sit on, the player's locker box is there to check out also - then down the hall are all the baseball cards and framed shirts, etc - the ceiling in the waiting room is painted like a baseball diamond, and outside the building are a giant baseball and bat. To say that my son loves it is an understatement - and so does his mom I must say - it never fails to fascinate me about someone loving something so much that they are willing to pay who knows what to have parts of it in their life (and it all comes back to the life and death of Christ and God's love for us, doesn't it? That is exactly what he did for us - paid ANY price to have us with Him! again - I am still amazed).
I digress (as usual) - back to Tate. He has recently really started reading well. It had been something that he has done only because he had to and then the other day we are driving down the road and he starts talking out loud - sounding things out- and I realize he is voluntarily reading!! I LOVE IT!! Being an avid reader myself I want my children to love it, too. I have one daughter (my oldest) that can't get enough to read - and the second daughter that will do it if pressed, but would much rather be tumbling or twirling. Now, Tate is readily reading!! YEA!
He has discovered another dimension to his life - that there is so much available to him just through being able to read. Now that he has knowledge and ability we are holding him accountable to read. Read more, faster, better, and comprehend. This is what the school requires. He really is good at it - will try until he gets it.
This, again, is where I am still learning from my children. Tate was rocking along in life, loving Wii games but always needing help with the instructions, loving to help make things, but always asking how (when anyone else could have read the directions), and I could go on and on. I never really thought "I can't wait til he can read!" or anything. I just took it as a part of life that he would need help. Now, he can do it. Independence has been taken a step further. With this new knowledge not only does he have a whole new world opened up to him, but I have less 'control' and ability to protect. I wonder if this is how God felt in the Garden with Adam and Eve? They were basically like Tate - bright eyed, loving, always needing help - but then one day they ate the fruit from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Kind of like learning to read (well, loosely like that). Now God is faced with their new awareness - know the pains and hurts it could bring them, but also realize that the choice has been made. Now we deal with it.
I know I am probably going on too much about this, but I just wonder. Wonder if Tate will always use his new knowledge in good ways - or if a choice he makes in the future will twist it? Will his innocent development turn into something evil? It could, but the choice is already made. We even HELPED him with this - knowing that this step was necessary to make living in this world easier, but not really fully realizing what was being lost in the process. Innocence. Need of help. Ignorance (in the best sense of the word).
So, my prayers follow, and precede, my children daily -protection spiritually, mentally, and physically from any attacks satan may have waiting on them - that their "roots" would continue to grow in Christ and be strong and able to hold firm. That no matter what, they know they always have someone they can turn to. That they are a light to this dark world - shining the love of Jesus as they walk and talk. That they are always teachable.
While I am just having this realization with Tate, I am also thinking of my other two and what "firsts" they are just getting to even though they are older than him - how we navigate these firsts can determine their futures - wanting to make sure we are teaching them correctly no matter what the world is saying around us. That the knowledge they unlock at each level of development is well received and well handled.
MAN!! Parenting is a scary and wonderful job all rolled into one!
Thankfully what I miss, or my husband misses, in teaching them, God will use the right 'someone' to fill in like He did in our lives.
So, on to more of this "new world" with all three kids. I am so very blessed to have the opportunity to navigate all of this with them - unfortunately I don't think I appreciate that opportunity nearly enough on a daily basis.
The following is just some of what Tate talked about on our trip to and from the doctor that day:
(I tried to write them all down because he made me smile- and laugh inside- so much!)
at the school..."I already feel like a 7 year old. I feel BIG like an already 7 year old. Don't worry, I know I am six, but I feel seven."
in the car leaving the school..."is this the stomach doctor I am going to?" (yes, tate, Dr. Mestre)
"is he the one that got me out of your stomach?" (no, that was a different doctor) "Oh. Did you know I was coming or were you surprised?" (well, we knew you would be coming - just not exactly when) "so, were you surprised when I came out? Did you know you were pregnant?" (well, yes, I knew I was pregnant - and no, not too surprised when you came out - just thankful) "so, how do the doctors know when it is time? for me to come out? Did you hold your stomach and go to the hospital for the doctor to get me out?" (The doctors can tell just about when babies are ready by the date and measuring the mom - no- I didn't have to hold my stomach with you because they planned when you would be born. Tate, where is all this coming from?) "I saw on TLC the show I didn't know I was pregnant and this lady held her stomach because it weighed so much and hurt so bad and she went to the hospital and they helped her get her baby out." - and then we transitioned straight into Meerkats!
"Mom, do you remember Flower? She was the meerkat mom on Meerkat Manor. She died."
(oh, really - how did that happen?) "Well, she came up on a rattlesnake (it was really a cobra) and tried to get another meerkat to help her that had already survived a rattlesnake. But that meerkat wouldn't help her and Flower (pronounced by him as 'Flowa') died. Her babies were prob'ly killed, too." (wow, that is awful, tate) "yeah. Can I have Arby's 'tata' cakes?"
and on we went...."have you ever heard of The Halls of the Mountain King? It was done by 'Mohtzat's' composer. He even wrote the song for the Little Einsteins! I think that was the song - it is a great song!"
and when I tried to assist him in doctor's office bathroom - doing so by going through my "mom's list" of things to do and not to do (don't touch, do wipe good, make sure your underwear is further down so it doesn't get messed up, wash your hands, don't touch the door handle without a paper towel, do flush - can you button your pants back by yourself?) - to which he looked at me with a very exasperated expression (I wonder why now that I have written it all out ;o) "Mom, I think I am old enough to stay in the bathroom by myself. I do this at school, too, you know!"
(you are right, tate - sometimes I forget you can do it) "That's okay, Mom. You can go, though."
and my favorite of the three hours together (well, besides the baby thing)
"Mom, is it good to go through things when you are young because you will go through them in the future?"
Hmmmm, had to think carefully on this one - to me - yes, it is good to experience things young so when you get older you are better prepared, but, too, do you really want your child to experience anything negative? So, I thought about it and then replied - with all my motherly wisdom:
(uhhhh, give me an example of what you mean, tate). "well, you know how last year H was my girlfriend. well, then she started liking someone else at the same time - she cheated on me. does that mean it will always happen again?"
- okay - six?! and we are "cheating"? good grief!
(No, tate - that is not what that means -you are too young to be only liking one person and so is she - this is the time to get to know lots of people and then you will decide what you like in a person and what you don't - then when you get older you will hopefully commit to one person and they will commit only to you - but, if they are older and do cheat then the likelihood that the same person would cheat again is pretty high, but it does not mean a different person would cheat on you.) "Oh, okay, *pause inserted for his reflection* - so it IS okay to like more than one person at my age?" (Yes.)
And that was it on that subject - there is so much more where Tate is concerned - like getting his baseball jersey and it having the number 2 on it - he immediately thought that made him always get to bat second - or when he hits - goes to first and then is hit in by another batter - he feels he got a 'home run'. I love that spirit!! I love how he makes me smile just by talking about nothing.
Is it just this age?
I think for me it is a combination of lots of things - 1st : he is still very demonstrative and loving. 2nd: I don't seem to tick him off as easily as I do my 'tween' girls. 3rd: he is still discovering so much and I LOVE that (because he thinks I still know so much! ;o) } 4th: I spent so much time with him as an infant when he was so very, very ill so I appreciate the 'little' things more. 5th: yes, that is it - the knowledge that every day is a gift and I really should slow down and appreciate it so much more - and that he is my last. Having had two others literally back to back I wasn't able to appreciate the small moments nearly enough - with him I know better than to not enjoy them. It is all so fleeting!
I went to his school yesterday to check him out for yet another follow up. Thankfully we were headed to the GI doctor that he loves so much. The waiting room is literally filled with baseball memorabilia - stuff from a stadium that was torn down - the ticket booth of that stadium is the doctor's check in window, the wood stadium seats are bolted to the floor for you to sit on, the player's locker box is there to check out also - then down the hall are all the baseball cards and framed shirts, etc - the ceiling in the waiting room is painted like a baseball diamond, and outside the building are a giant baseball and bat. To say that my son loves it is an understatement - and so does his mom I must say - it never fails to fascinate me about someone loving something so much that they are willing to pay who knows what to have parts of it in their life (and it all comes back to the life and death of Christ and God's love for us, doesn't it? That is exactly what he did for us - paid ANY price to have us with Him! again - I am still amazed).
I digress (as usual) - back to Tate. He has recently really started reading well. It had been something that he has done only because he had to and then the other day we are driving down the road and he starts talking out loud - sounding things out- and I realize he is voluntarily reading!! I LOVE IT!! Being an avid reader myself I want my children to love it, too. I have one daughter (my oldest) that can't get enough to read - and the second daughter that will do it if pressed, but would much rather be tumbling or twirling. Now, Tate is readily reading!! YEA!
He has discovered another dimension to his life - that there is so much available to him just through being able to read. Now that he has knowledge and ability we are holding him accountable to read. Read more, faster, better, and comprehend. This is what the school requires. He really is good at it - will try until he gets it.
This, again, is where I am still learning from my children. Tate was rocking along in life, loving Wii games but always needing help with the instructions, loving to help make things, but always asking how (when anyone else could have read the directions), and I could go on and on. I never really thought "I can't wait til he can read!" or anything. I just took it as a part of life that he would need help. Now, he can do it. Independence has been taken a step further. With this new knowledge not only does he have a whole new world opened up to him, but I have less 'control' and ability to protect. I wonder if this is how God felt in the Garden with Adam and Eve? They were basically like Tate - bright eyed, loving, always needing help - but then one day they ate the fruit from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Kind of like learning to read (well, loosely like that). Now God is faced with their new awareness - know the pains and hurts it could bring them, but also realize that the choice has been made. Now we deal with it.
I know I am probably going on too much about this, but I just wonder. Wonder if Tate will always use his new knowledge in good ways - or if a choice he makes in the future will twist it? Will his innocent development turn into something evil? It could, but the choice is already made. We even HELPED him with this - knowing that this step was necessary to make living in this world easier, but not really fully realizing what was being lost in the process. Innocence. Need of help. Ignorance (in the best sense of the word).
So, my prayers follow, and precede, my children daily -protection spiritually, mentally, and physically from any attacks satan may have waiting on them - that their "roots" would continue to grow in Christ and be strong and able to hold firm. That no matter what, they know they always have someone they can turn to. That they are a light to this dark world - shining the love of Jesus as they walk and talk. That they are always teachable.
While I am just having this realization with Tate, I am also thinking of my other two and what "firsts" they are just getting to even though they are older than him - how we navigate these firsts can determine their futures - wanting to make sure we are teaching them correctly no matter what the world is saying around us. That the knowledge they unlock at each level of development is well received and well handled.
MAN!! Parenting is a scary and wonderful job all rolled into one!
Thankfully what I miss, or my husband misses, in teaching them, God will use the right 'someone' to fill in like He did in our lives.
So, on to more of this "new world" with all three kids. I am so very blessed to have the opportunity to navigate all of this with them - unfortunately I don't think I appreciate that opportunity nearly enough on a daily basis.
The following is just some of what Tate talked about on our trip to and from the doctor that day:
(I tried to write them all down because he made me smile- and laugh inside- so much!)
at the school..."I already feel like a 7 year old. I feel BIG like an already 7 year old. Don't worry, I know I am six, but I feel seven."
in the car leaving the school..."is this the stomach doctor I am going to?" (yes, tate, Dr. Mestre)
"is he the one that got me out of your stomach?" (no, that was a different doctor) "Oh. Did you know I was coming or were you surprised?" (well, we knew you would be coming - just not exactly when) "so, were you surprised when I came out? Did you know you were pregnant?" (well, yes, I knew I was pregnant - and no, not too surprised when you came out - just thankful) "so, how do the doctors know when it is time? for me to come out? Did you hold your stomach and go to the hospital for the doctor to get me out?" (The doctors can tell just about when babies are ready by the date and measuring the mom - no- I didn't have to hold my stomach with you because they planned when you would be born. Tate, where is all this coming from?) "I saw on TLC the show I didn't know I was pregnant and this lady held her stomach because it weighed so much and hurt so bad and she went to the hospital and they helped her get her baby out." - and then we transitioned straight into Meerkats!
"Mom, do you remember Flower? She was the meerkat mom on Meerkat Manor. She died."
(oh, really - how did that happen?) "Well, she came up on a rattlesnake (it was really a cobra) and tried to get another meerkat to help her that had already survived a rattlesnake. But that meerkat wouldn't help her and Flower (pronounced by him as 'Flowa') died. Her babies were prob'ly killed, too." (wow, that is awful, tate) "yeah. Can I have Arby's 'tata' cakes?"
and on we went...."have you ever heard of The Halls of the Mountain King? It was done by 'Mohtzat's' composer. He even wrote the song for the Little Einsteins! I think that was the song - it is a great song!"
and when I tried to assist him in doctor's office bathroom - doing so by going through my "mom's list" of things to do and not to do (don't touch, do wipe good, make sure your underwear is further down so it doesn't get messed up, wash your hands, don't touch the door handle without a paper towel, do flush - can you button your pants back by yourself?) - to which he looked at me with a very exasperated expression (I wonder why now that I have written it all out ;o) "Mom, I think I am old enough to stay in the bathroom by myself. I do this at school, too, you know!"
(you are right, tate - sometimes I forget you can do it) "That's okay, Mom. You can go, though."
and my favorite of the three hours together (well, besides the baby thing)
"Mom, is it good to go through things when you are young because you will go through them in the future?"
Hmmmm, had to think carefully on this one - to me - yes, it is good to experience things young so when you get older you are better prepared, but, too, do you really want your child to experience anything negative? So, I thought about it and then replied - with all my motherly wisdom:
(uhhhh, give me an example of what you mean, tate). "well, you know how last year H was my girlfriend. well, then she started liking someone else at the same time - she cheated on me. does that mean it will always happen again?"
- okay - six?! and we are "cheating"? good grief!
(No, tate - that is not what that means -you are too young to be only liking one person and so is she - this is the time to get to know lots of people and then you will decide what you like in a person and what you don't - then when you get older you will hopefully commit to one person and they will commit only to you - but, if they are older and do cheat then the likelihood that the same person would cheat again is pretty high, but it does not mean a different person would cheat on you.) "Oh, okay, *pause inserted for his reflection* - so it IS okay to like more than one person at my age?" (Yes.)
And that was it on that subject - there is so much more where Tate is concerned - like getting his baseball jersey and it having the number 2 on it - he immediately thought that made him always get to bat second - or when he hits - goes to first and then is hit in by another batter - he feels he got a 'home run'. I love that spirit!! I love how he makes me smile just by talking about nothing.
Is it just this age?
I think for me it is a combination of lots of things - 1st : he is still very demonstrative and loving. 2nd: I don't seem to tick him off as easily as I do my 'tween' girls. 3rd: he is still discovering so much and I LOVE that (because he thinks I still know so much! ;o) } 4th: I spent so much time with him as an infant when he was so very, very ill so I appreciate the 'little' things more. 5th: yes, that is it - the knowledge that every day is a gift and I really should slow down and appreciate it so much more - and that he is my last. Having had two others literally back to back I wasn't able to appreciate the small moments nearly enough - with him I know better than to not enjoy them. It is all so fleeting!
The sun is out!
Where I live we have had rain for literally 6 solid weeks. A total of what I think I heard to be about 22" this last month and a half. Yes, there have been breaks in that rain - like for 3-10 hours, but no sun to speak of. This last week it seemed like everyone around me was complaining about the rain - "will it ever stop?", "will we ever see sun again?", "let me move to California", "look what this rain has done", etc. Did I stay inside my 'perfect' self and not complain? ......uhhhhhhhh - no. I, too, found myself bemoaning all I had to do in the rain, and all the problems the rain was causing in my life. Ballgames, chauffeur to practices, grocery shopping, work - yard flooding, wet/nasty/muddy dog, streets flooding and having to take other routes to work, etc. (oh woe is me!) Then, as I said, there was about a day's break in the rain - no real sun, but enough of a break where I started planning things for the days to come (because I so very much wanted this break from the rain to be real and lasting - you know? Exhausted from the stormy weather - eagerly anticipating its passing and willing to grab hold of anything resembling a break - even though the sun isn't really out so no real change in weather can be counted on - but I am so desperate, I choose to ignore this small detail) specifically to take time off and help my husband finally be able to start the metal roofing process. Taking down and replacing fascia board around the eaves, painting said wood, painting gutters, rehanging gutters, and putting on the roof - to include cutting a ridge vent in the top and taking out the old attic vents. Lots to do - materials purchased (well except the paint and some of the wood) - seemingly ready to go.
So, I took the days off - Thursday and Friday of my kids' fall break so we could all work together. I don't get paid for time off in my current job, so to me this was a big deal. Anyway, as the day approached the forecast got worse and worse - to the point that in my prayer time I even moaned out loud about it to God.
Immediate conviction. I appreciated it, too. I hate it when I walk around not knowing I am doing wrong - I liked the immediacy of this one. So, with that conviction came new sight. I heard all the people around me complaining and recognized what I must be sounding like. I turned back to God and asked His forgiveness, and to show me what He would have me do and learn from this. He did (told you He was/is faithful!). So, my heart changed toward the rain - I began to reflect over the past six weeks and all that has gone on - but also what healing has come from being forced into more "togetherness" as a family because of the limiting power of the rain. Had it not been for this period of rain, and rain, and rain in my town my husband probably would have begun work on the house projects alone (and may still, but keep reading). With him working on the outside of the house I would have been dictating what was happening inside (yes, dictating) and taking the kids all to practices, games, parties, etc. We would not have had to be together because divide and conquer has 'worked' so efficiently in the past. (Riiiiiiiight)
God taught me differently. The rain forced togetherness at a time when we would probably have rather been apart - even while together (trust me, this is, unfortunately, possible to do). But, instead, we went to games together (even when irritated with one another), played Wii as a family (this is so much fun!), and watched family movies, cooked (yes, I cooked - don't faint at that - and they actually ate it all and like it), went to church, slept in, had kids' friends over, watched football, visited with family, etc. We (my husband and I) were also forced to finally talk and talking brought on the beginning of healing - still in this process, but, wow!, so much better - and all because of the rain. I like rain. I appreciate what it has allowed for my family, and for its refreshing properties.
So, I am allowed this insight for my life and then literally - two days later the sun out, again. So much so that I had to open the window all the way to look at the sky and try and determine if it would be an 'all day' kind of sun, or just a 'tease'. Nope, definitely an 'all day' kind of sun that day - and now we are almost four days later and it is still here. A break. Which brings me full circle. After a complete day of the sun shining I stopped looking at the sky trying to determine when the clouds would return. (How often have I done that lately in my personal life? Had a 'break' in the clouds - assumed it was really the sun - jumped in with both feet planning, living, etc -only to have the clouds and rain return? How much have I not appreciated that?) That night I realized that I hadn't heard people around me even talking about rain anymore (I mean, really, who wants to relive what had been so 'bad'?). You would probably have to have been around this area the last week to really understand how LOUD that silence really was (But, the lack of talking about the bad can actually keep others from learning from what you learned during that time - just talking about it won't make the 'rain' come back). It made me think about me and my own spiritual life (yes, again). How that is exactly how I am too much of the time. Thankful for the rain at first -it is a change in weather after all (shakes things up - uproots at times, washes away dirt, grime, 'illusions') - then I feel I have had enough (I mean, we all reach our limits, right?)- then I start complaining. First to myself, then out loud - then others join in and we have a real pity party chorus going on (oh, woe is me!! my problems are so bad - so much worse here than there)- until that ONE VOICE in the rain speaks against all the others - reminding me that rain really isn't so bad - reminding me of all it gives to the environment, people, etc. (in other words reminding me of promises made to me, asking me to trust the 'son' even when the 'clouds' are looming near - not to discount the 'son' all together). Not really the words we (the chorusing crowd) want to hear necessarily, but once the words are out we are forced to reassess - that can be uncomfortable - but some do and some don't - then we slowly divide - Those of us that don't at all agree with that ONE VOICE just go on about our business - complaining or whatever. The others of us that recognize some truth in ONE VOICE stop and look around. We want to complain still, because that has become comfortable, but are not really sure if anyone else will join in - we are almost more afraid they will because we know we really don't want them to since that Voice was right after all. So, we sit quietly -hopefully reflecting - some even dare to join the Voice, but mainly we just sit uncomfortably looking inside us and thinking- and yes, that can bring about good eventually, but we have to do something with the truth we have learned for that 'good' to be seen and appreciated. This takes faith. Faith that the sun really is still there - despite what the current circumstances look like right now. Faith that no matter how muddy things are, or how deep the water is - the 'son' is there and willing to help us with those issues.
Then..................the sun does come out! So, we LEAP back into life and all its running around - trying to take advantage of this break in the rain/storms of late - and some of us even move on to 'sun worship'-while this can be a good thing we tend to forget about the rain, our discomfort, what we learned from the Voice, and all of it because we are comfortable again!! WooHoooo!! (we just really don't want anymore rain for a loooooong time - tired of discomfort - almost fearful of it returning too soon)
I see, now, that I don't want to just be comfortable -I don't like constant rain, mind you, but, I don't want to forget what it that time of rain and storms felt like, either. I won't even go as far as saying I want to live in the rain, but I am far enough along that I can say I so appreciate and benefit from what it brings when it comes - so I don't want to forget the rain, or fear its return in my future - because I know I always have the "Son" no matter what the forecast (satan) is currently saying about how bad it is or how bad it is yet to be.
The sun is out, though, and begs to be appreciated and utilized and trusted. The rain has done its part (for now), but it just might be really okay to enjoy the sun for a bit.
I pray I do not become complacent in my "Son" worship- that I do appreciate the growth that comes withe sun following the rain - while not forgetting the lessons learned and strength gained from the storms. That I relive, and tell others of the miracles, and growth, and awesome rescues that occurred during those "storms of '09" only by the hand, grace, mercy, and love of my Savior, the Son, Jesus Christ!
Lord, let the 'Son' shine through me!!
"For if you (Reeda) remain silent at this time (whether clear or storming), relief and deliverance for the Jews (those around you- family, friends, coworkers, patients) will arise from another place (God is giving you the opportunity to be used, but you do have free will. If you choose not to speak up then God will use someone else- but His Will will be fulfilled), but you and your father's family will perish (literally and figuratively - do you really want to miss out on God's awesome blessing for your life just by being obedient to Him? or for the lives of your children - the blessings that could be for them if you obey - heed God's direction - continue to sink your roots in!). And who knows but that you have come to royal position (royal 'pain'? 'suffering royally'? we have all said something like this before, but what if we are really supposed to be 'royally thankful' no matter our situation or 'lowly/feeling like we are drowning in the storm' position?) for such a time as this (right NOW!, right where YOU ARE!, rain or shine!)?"Esther 4:13-15
So, I took the days off - Thursday and Friday of my kids' fall break so we could all work together. I don't get paid for time off in my current job, so to me this was a big deal. Anyway, as the day approached the forecast got worse and worse - to the point that in my prayer time I even moaned out loud about it to God.
Immediate conviction. I appreciated it, too. I hate it when I walk around not knowing I am doing wrong - I liked the immediacy of this one. So, with that conviction came new sight. I heard all the people around me complaining and recognized what I must be sounding like. I turned back to God and asked His forgiveness, and to show me what He would have me do and learn from this. He did (told you He was/is faithful!). So, my heart changed toward the rain - I began to reflect over the past six weeks and all that has gone on - but also what healing has come from being forced into more "togetherness" as a family because of the limiting power of the rain. Had it not been for this period of rain, and rain, and rain in my town my husband probably would have begun work on the house projects alone (and may still, but keep reading). With him working on the outside of the house I would have been dictating what was happening inside (yes, dictating) and taking the kids all to practices, games, parties, etc. We would not have had to be together because divide and conquer has 'worked' so efficiently in the past. (Riiiiiiiight)
God taught me differently. The rain forced togetherness at a time when we would probably have rather been apart - even while together (trust me, this is, unfortunately, possible to do). But, instead, we went to games together (even when irritated with one another), played Wii as a family (this is so much fun!), and watched family movies, cooked (yes, I cooked - don't faint at that - and they actually ate it all and like it), went to church, slept in, had kids' friends over, watched football, visited with family, etc. We (my husband and I) were also forced to finally talk and talking brought on the beginning of healing - still in this process, but, wow!, so much better - and all because of the rain. I like rain. I appreciate what it has allowed for my family, and for its refreshing properties.
So, I am allowed this insight for my life and then literally - two days later the sun out, again. So much so that I had to open the window all the way to look at the sky and try and determine if it would be an 'all day' kind of sun, or just a 'tease'. Nope, definitely an 'all day' kind of sun that day - and now we are almost four days later and it is still here. A break. Which brings me full circle. After a complete day of the sun shining I stopped looking at the sky trying to determine when the clouds would return. (How often have I done that lately in my personal life? Had a 'break' in the clouds - assumed it was really the sun - jumped in with both feet planning, living, etc -only to have the clouds and rain return? How much have I not appreciated that?) That night I realized that I hadn't heard people around me even talking about rain anymore (I mean, really, who wants to relive what had been so 'bad'?). You would probably have to have been around this area the last week to really understand how LOUD that silence really was (But, the lack of talking about the bad can actually keep others from learning from what you learned during that time - just talking about it won't make the 'rain' come back). It made me think about me and my own spiritual life (yes, again). How that is exactly how I am too much of the time. Thankful for the rain at first -it is a change in weather after all (shakes things up - uproots at times, washes away dirt, grime, 'illusions') - then I feel I have had enough (I mean, we all reach our limits, right?)- then I start complaining. First to myself, then out loud - then others join in and we have a real pity party chorus going on (oh, woe is me!! my problems are so bad - so much worse here than there)- until that ONE VOICE in the rain speaks against all the others - reminding me that rain really isn't so bad - reminding me of all it gives to the environment, people, etc. (in other words reminding me of promises made to me, asking me to trust the 'son' even when the 'clouds' are looming near - not to discount the 'son' all together). Not really the words we (the chorusing crowd) want to hear necessarily, but once the words are out we are forced to reassess - that can be uncomfortable - but some do and some don't - then we slowly divide - Those of us that don't at all agree with that ONE VOICE just go on about our business - complaining or whatever. The others of us that recognize some truth in ONE VOICE stop and look around. We want to complain still, because that has become comfortable, but are not really sure if anyone else will join in - we are almost more afraid they will because we know we really don't want them to since that Voice was right after all. So, we sit quietly -hopefully reflecting - some even dare to join the Voice, but mainly we just sit uncomfortably looking inside us and thinking- and yes, that can bring about good eventually, but we have to do something with the truth we have learned for that 'good' to be seen and appreciated. This takes faith. Faith that the sun really is still there - despite what the current circumstances look like right now. Faith that no matter how muddy things are, or how deep the water is - the 'son' is there and willing to help us with those issues.
Then..................the sun does come out! So, we LEAP back into life and all its running around - trying to take advantage of this break in the rain/storms of late - and some of us even move on to 'sun worship'-while this can be a good thing we tend to forget about the rain, our discomfort, what we learned from the Voice, and all of it because we are comfortable again!! WooHoooo!! (we just really don't want anymore rain for a loooooong time - tired of discomfort - almost fearful of it returning too soon)
I see, now, that I don't want to just be comfortable -I don't like constant rain, mind you, but, I don't want to forget what it that time of rain and storms felt like, either. I won't even go as far as saying I want to live in the rain, but I am far enough along that I can say I so appreciate and benefit from what it brings when it comes - so I don't want to forget the rain, or fear its return in my future - because I know I always have the "Son" no matter what the forecast (satan) is currently saying about how bad it is or how bad it is yet to be.
The sun is out, though, and begs to be appreciated and utilized and trusted. The rain has done its part (for now), but it just might be really okay to enjoy the sun for a bit.
I pray I do not become complacent in my "Son" worship- that I do appreciate the growth that comes withe sun following the rain - while not forgetting the lessons learned and strength gained from the storms. That I relive, and tell others of the miracles, and growth, and awesome rescues that occurred during those "storms of '09" only by the hand, grace, mercy, and love of my Savior, the Son, Jesus Christ!
Lord, let the 'Son' shine through me!!
"For if you (Reeda) remain silent at this time (whether clear or storming), relief and deliverance for the Jews (those around you- family, friends, coworkers, patients) will arise from another place (God is giving you the opportunity to be used, but you do have free will. If you choose not to speak up then God will use someone else- but His Will will be fulfilled), but you and your father's family will perish (literally and figuratively - do you really want to miss out on God's awesome blessing for your life just by being obedient to Him? or for the lives of your children - the blessings that could be for them if you obey - heed God's direction - continue to sink your roots in!). And who knows but that you have come to royal position (royal 'pain'? 'suffering royally'? we have all said something like this before, but what if we are really supposed to be 'royally thankful' no matter our situation or 'lowly/feeling like we are drowning in the storm' position?) for such a time as this (right NOW!, right where YOU ARE!, rain or shine!)?"Esther 4:13-15
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