I cannot even begin to describe all God has been doing inside me and in my life over the past couple of months. I have vacillated between almost not being able to engage in things going on around me - getting up for work, interacting with my family, etc - all the way to life being something to appreciate and enjoy and share again. As I went through the motions necessary to get through my day something began to happen. Once again - as I stay connected to God, not crawl into my shell away from others, and do what is not easy - I find growth and learning and joy in the small things in life.
For those that know me know that my prayer has been, for a long time now, to be a better wife, mother, Christian, friend, etc. The trials of this past year have done nothing but give me opportunities to stretch and grow in all of these areas. I have not grown to the point of completion in any of them, but I am so excited at the growth that has occurred and the fruit being born of that.
I no longer feel exhausted and completely self focused. I have learned that focusing on me only leads to a lack of peace, joy, and creates more exhaustion. The world says constantly that we - especially women - "deserve" time off. Time to focus on "us" only and rejuvenate. I agree in some ways - even Jesus went off by himself to regroup and rest, but he did not go off by himself and shop, get his hair done, lay around, or gab on the phone - or even watch T.V. No, he went off and communed with his Father. That is where our "rejuvenating" occurs. It is important to take care of us in the physical, but it is so much more important to spend time with God and serve others. These are the ways we truly get peace, joy, happiness (although God is not overly concerned with our 'happiness' - just our character). As painful as growth is - physical or spiritual or relational - it is also a 'good' pain. I knew from past experiences that God would make something good come from all of what I have considered bad this past year. He has and he still is. I cannot describe the excitement bubbling up inside me for what is even yet to come - and the joy inside me that I get to help teach my children, also!!
You may be saying, 'easy to say when things are going well', and you would be right. But, "everything" around me is not 'right' in my eyes - My middle child is having problems from Drussen - this wasn't supposed to happen so soon. My eldest child is in middle school and experiencing some of the pains of growth there - that is opening up a whole new avenue in parenting that God is leading me through. My youngest is having more flare ups with his stomach pain and vomiting thanks to EOS and has even missed some school (unheard of in my family! - unless there is vomit ;o). The list goes on, but I will not bore you and we all know of hard times all around us and mine are really no worse than others. I am just saying that with a husband working on himself, me working on me, us working on our marriage, and then the parenting on top of all the activities, school plays, church, etc., it is still so exciting to see what God is doing through it all!!
For Christmas I was given the CD by Kutless, "It is Well". Song tracks 5 and 12 are by far my favorites. Five is encouraging and reminding and 12 is challenging. I have really thought about that alot - Can I still raise my hands if God took everything away? My heartfelt prayer is that yes, yes I would be able to. Not just because I am "supposed to", but more because I truly believe and know that God loves me - and knows what I am in the middle of - and just when I may take my eyes off Him and feel like I am drowning - He will reach down and grab me up - or send some 'human angel' to do the rescuing. Why do I believe this? Because I am experiencing it.
Best thing of the week (besides reading books like "Love Dare" - and putting it into practice- but also, 'how to have a new husband by Friday' - good educational book - "Sheet Music" - made me blush at times, but really good info, too! "How to have a New Kid by Friday" - let me just say - I have been practicing these principles for TWO days and today was so amazing! It really worked - and I danced a jig out the door. Thank you, God!) was when Tate was with me and the girls in Family Christian Bookstore on Sunday and found a hat he wanted. It was a hat that was like his dad's sweatshirt, but he didn't know that. It says, "Walk on Water - No Board, No Problem" and is sort of a take on surf shop advertisements. I didn't like that the hat did not include the verse as a reference on it like his dad's sweatshirt does. I asked Tate if he even knew what it was talking about (knowing he wouldn't and we would put it back). Much to my amazement he knew exactly what it was talking about and proceeded to tell me about it! What a humbling moment for me - and as he completed the story I knelt down in front of him and said, "yes, that is exactly what happened. Everything was fine with Peter walking toward Jesus on the water - during a big storm mind you - UNTIL Peter took his eyes off Jesus. When he did, he sank." What happened right then is that God, once again, used my children to teach me. Because I was so sure I was right that he didn't know the story I stopped to really listen to him instead of reading a book cover as he talked like I am prone to do in stores - well, it could be read anything - just listening with half an ear wherever I am. Then, as I heard the story from Tate, I knew God was saying to me, "Reeda, this is what happens with you. You are fine in the storm until you stop focusing on me." Wow! I sat there in the floor on my knees with all three kids looking at me - stunned at what I had just learned from God and from the mouth of my child being used by God to teach his ever so busy with life, mom. Thank you, Jesus.
Needless to say, we bought the hat. He loves it and it will always hold a dear place in my heart as a reminder of who we can learn from if we will stop and listen.
