Just in Time

Something I evidently have to be reminded of more and more often over these last months is that Jesus is with me. He is not at all suprised by my circumstances. He already knew exactly what I would do even before I was born. The thing is, I often let myself get bogged down by the "right now". The trees so to speak. Jesus sees the forest I am walking through and He will never leave me or forsake me. It is promised by Him to me. So, no matter what deceit my thoughts try for - being manipulated by the Master Manipulator - I choose to focus on what God's word says and promises.
Psalm 139:7-10 "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the Heavens, you are there. If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, EVEN THERE YOUR HAND WILL GUIDE ME!! Your right hand will HOLD ME FAST!"
So, as my pastor's wife read this as a word Jesus asked her to share with the church last night, I knew Jesus was not only speaking to others, but even more specifically to me. I knew that as I had been praying throughout the day and into the service about needing something from Him, He met me there and gave it to me. Psalm 139 goes on to talk about the fact that He knew me before I was born - and all that would happen with me - BEFORE I was even born!
Let's think about that for a moment. So, Jesus knew that I would steal lip gloss from Big B Drugs as an 8 year old, but still loved me enough to die on the cross? He knew I would be tormented by my younger brother and get into mean physical altercations with all my siblings, yet still loved me enough to die. He knew that I would treat my mom with the utmost of disrespect growing up, but still provided loving guiding hands to steer me toward Him. He knew that I would have a tendency to ignore the obvious - mainly because it is easier - and yet still enabled me to finish high school with honors, and complete my college degree. He knew that I would forgive my parents for all perceived wrongs - mainly because He has loved and forgiven me and my heart is not as heavy since I have. He, because He loves me, has allowed me to go through many personally difficult times because of choices made by others in my life and myself - because when I was able to look back on those things I was given the gift of seeing how they have shaped me mainly for the good - and He saw it all the whole time. Some of the things I went through as a teen and young adult have left scars that have yet to be dealt with by Him - He has been waiting on me. A dear friend reminded me that Jesus doesn't want to just heal me and have the scar remain - He wants to come into my heart and life - scrape out the old 'gunk' and scar area and LEAVE ME WHOLE!! Why? Because He loves me. He created me for a purpose and wants me to be able to fulfill that purpose. If I stay open to His direction and His love - ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!
So, I DO believe my marriage will be completely restored beyond my wildest dreams - and OH! what a marvelous testimony awaits us on that day!
I do believe that although I did not choose where I am right now - that Jesus knew, way before me, and has been preparing me, leading me, guiding me - all in an effort to make me stronger in Him, to do His will, and to fulfill the purpose He has on my life.
Right now, for this season, that purpose appears to be a wife and a mother and I will not go down without a serious fight in either category. Does that mean some scars will have to be dug out? Probably - and I am sure the pain may get worse before it gets better, but, Jesus is RIGHT HERE WITH ME. Does that also mean I am going to have to develop healthier strategies to cope? besides eating or whining to others? You betcha!
My seat belt is fastened, my heart is open, my voice is calling and my spirit is so willing! GO JESUS!!! Show me what you have for my life and my family!!