Amazing Grace....

Grace is definitely what Jesus is giving me at this point in my life. He is "doing for me what I can't do for myself" - Grace.
I love Jesus. I so appreciate His timing - just when I think He has forgotten me or didn't hear me, He steps in once again. Despite my fear - fear that is confessed and fear that I want to be rid of. I see now the only way to be rid of that fear is to let Jesus' voice and promises become louder in my mind and soul. Sometimes that is specifically through His word - through reading the Bible and spending time with Him - sometimes He gives a word through someone else - and sometimes - just like in a pinball game - He provides buffers to get us back on course. Reminders of who He is and what power He does have - reminders of His love, promises, and provisions no matter what the enemy or our flesh is attempting to get us off track with.
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for my friends, for meetings, for church, and for your continued patience with me in my growing.
I had the opportunity to spend face to face time with a friend that knows me and my husband very well last night. She is another person God has used in these past weeks to steer me back on course, to calm my anxiety, remind me of what I know of Christ's promises for me and my life, and give me practical and timely advice about not over reacting in my moments of fear.
I also got to attend a meeting last night that I haven't been a part of in over 10 years. Wow. What a necessary reminder to me and my life right now. Have I really become a "snob". By that I mean - thinking I didn't need others - to be reminded of what could be and has been and what needs to be during such a time as this? I am so thankful for the group I got to meet with last night - a true reminder that all my searching, trying to figure things out, and plans, and questioning is such a huge waste of time and anxiety builder. A definite reminder that I don't just surrender my will to Christ once and that is it, but that it may be something I have to do hour by hour as I try and fall into the same old patterns of interaction.
My need for "instant" takes a back seat at this point. Obviously the refining and growing process Christ has for me at this time is REALLY a process - not just something that happens overnight. (Go figure ;0)
My husband was up when I got home last night - after a few false starts we were able to have a very good conversation. I am so thankful to Jesus for that. I know He was moving me and tempering me because I asked Him to. "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 11:23 (i think). So, good steps forward when I stopped to see things from my husband's perspective. As difficult as it is to admit I do have some culpability in our issues these last few weeks. I did not create the precipitating event, but I have reacted in ways that were out of anxiety, fear, self preservation that have not been for the good of my marriage and support of my husband.
Again, it all comes back to grace.
Thank you, Jesus, for continuing to guide me and teach me even when I am difficult to stop.