Do you have anyone that really, really irritates you? That maybe you have prayed for, but they still irritate you? Sometimes just by existing. Unfortunately I have people in my life and in my past that have, and what comes up every single time is, "Cast the beam from your own eye (Reeda) before you attempt to remove the speck from your neighbor's eye."
Now, when I am really bothered by someone or something I try and look at them from the perspective 0f, "what do I not like about them - that is actually a problem in my own life or with my personality?"
I admit this is not easy to do. Especially when my pride tries to take over. Of course, we all know what happens when pride gets in the driver's seat - complete and utter destruction.
So, when I do stop and reassess the situation, I am much more tolerant and can usually then learn something or change something within myself or my life.
I am talking about this because I really despise being told what I am not good at or don't do well enough. It especially hurts coming from those you love. I do try and do some things better, but sometimes I just don't want to give them the satisfaction (yeah, really mature, I know). Then, in pain I will often lash back at them or just shut them out completely.
So, now it is time, once again, to analyze my part in all of this. What about them do I not like about me - what do they do that I really hate having done to me - which usually means I am probably really, really bad about doing just that to others. I don't like it when I am only told what I do wrong - when there is not anything positive about me or what I do right that is brought up. So, that being said -I am now going to focus on that with people. I am praying for God to soften my heart and keep me aware in this area. Too often and too easily I allow my flesh and pride get in the driver's seat when "hurt" like this. I don't want to do that here.
So, yesterday's Bible reading from Psalms really spoke to me. For a while now I have felt that David was kind of whiny. It has felt like all he does is cry out to God about how everyone hates him and how awful things are for him and can't God fix it all and kill those that hate him? First, let me admit that I know God used David in such a mighty way -and I really do have respect for his life and thankfulness in my heart for a lot of his writing. I just tell you what I have been feeling to show what I have learned.
So, yesterday's Psalm in the one year Bible was Psalm 73:1-28. I so very much identified with the writer here - it was not David - it was Asaph - the day before that it was Solomon - so first I learned ALL whining is not from David ;0) Second I learned again - all these books and verses are in here for a reason. Here is what I got - I identified with his confession of being envious of those that appear so richly blessed despite their lack of acknowledgement of God. It is so easy to look at others and wonder "why?" about my personal situation when theirs seems to be so good despite how much I am doing and where my heart is in my own situation. Like most two year old adults I tend to want to sit down and whine, too (probably why the whining bugs me so much). Then, I come to my senses - so to speak- and remind myself and God of how faithful he has been to me and for me in the past - That I do believe Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 - that God IS my strength and comfort in good and bad times - even though I may be too focused on myself to remember that at the time. I am so very thankful that God uses even those from thousands of years ago to remind me - vs. 25b, "I desire you more than anything on the earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."
Yes. I do desire Him - a relationship/friendship with God more than anything else. I do know that despite my current "feelings" or circumstances He is what is important and what matters most - everything else is so very fleeting. Why do I even get so tangled up in it? My health may fail - my spirit may become weak and doubting - or worse - feel "justified", but GOD IS FAITHFUL!! He continues to meet me right where I am - he hasn't forgotten me and neither is he surprised about where I am or what I am currently going through - so - all that being said and believed by this small human - He comforts me with the reminders from his word - full circle to where I started when not in "troubled/trying" times - He is a God of order - not chaos, He does know how many days I will be on this earth, He does have great plans for me (if I am on board because He did give free will), but despite anything else - God can make something good out of ANYTHING I may currently perceive as "bad" and will do so!!!
My prayer for my children and my marriage continues. Protection for my children - that they would not be so negatively effected by my human frailty and faults and slips. Full restoration for my marriage - so that through our testimony others will be richly blessed in their lives and marriages and troubles by God - and even brought closer to Him.
My prayer for myself is that God would continue to use me and mold me into his image - that I would follow His will and not my own - and that he will continually give me the strength to carry that out.
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