Loud Enough Even When

So here I am - Four days after my complete surrender - and am humbled to say not only am I turning to God more and more, but I find myself LISTENING more - taking it in!! Wow! I am physically tired, but that is okay - I know the reasons for that - I am spiritually on fire! I am not as hungry. I have ice cream at home that I am not eating - I am not obsessing. Thank you, Lord. Thank you.
I was speaking with my sister last week - she is going through significant problems in her life right now. I have known for a long time that the answer for her is a personal relationship with Christ. On Sunday that became very real to me. I have always been quick with advice and slow to listen - thinking I understood - because, the Lord knows there have been quite a few trials and struggles that I have had to overcome or get through in my short 34 years - but I can't think back to anything that has owned me like this.
My heart breaks for addicts, but at the same time I have always been of the school of "buck up" stand up - do what needs to be done, join a class and get over it already!! Easier said than done. I worked with addicts for seven years - minuscule amount of time I know - but a lot of time in other ways. Even during that time - I loved them - commiserated, but still felt like if they would just "work the program" they would get "it". Wow - not so right. Yes, you do have to bottom out - I did on Sunday - yes - you do need a support group - I have that, too, just not a formal one - although I highly recommend AA for those suffering from alcoholism or alanon for those that are friends or family members to help better understand the addict's thinking and reasoning -- but I think I now realize it all comes down to heart. Some say just do the work and the heart will follow - yeah, sometimes it does - and I can argue that here - I've done the "work" but it has required my heart - Now I stand here with my heart wide open waiting on God to change, mold and work in me. I am thrilled, excited, and eagerly awaiting what is to come. I know he has BIG plans for me and my family. Look at all that has already happened and what testimonies there are from it! God has provided EXACTLY who and what we have needed EXACTLY when and where we have needed it - from my childhood on up to now.
My grandfather says my son will be a preacher because he (my grandfather feels that calling on his life) I don't know if that is how it works, but I know that Little Man Tate has a true heart for God - and the girls - they LOVE SO MUCH!! I am THRILLED to be their mother!! We have our days - no one is perfect - my girls argue and make ugly faces at each other and the 9 year old girl and my 5 year old son insist on egging each other on to the point that the other day I told them if they couldn't work together and respect each other's things and spaces I was tying them together with a bandanna around their wrists and they would have to stay that way all day. Wow - what a difference in my home!! May not have been perfect parenting - didn't have to do it, but they considered their options and have chosen to get along - and so far it hasn't come back up as an option because the truce has lasted!
All this to say - I am learning not to be so hard on myself or others - that when offering advice to my sister and she throws back "oh yeah - where is all this coming from? I know you have down days?" I can hope she continues to see that yeah - down days, but not days of total despair because my hope resides in the Lord!! No matter what - everything will work out for my good - even if the now is bad - Romans 8:28. I know family is the last to listen. I just hope my life is LOUD ENOUGH EVEN WHEN...............................................