My 'Wings'

One aspect of all the changes God is making in me is my eating. Over the past four years I have worked out consistently. Up until my back injury two years ago I was working out twice a day 6 days a week. Weight lifting and Zumba with kickboxing thrown in. Weights have been my 'go to' exercise as long as I can remember. In high school I would workout to Gil on TV(anyone remember Gil?) Weights I did on my own- then in college I even took a weightlifting course- hated the pain - loved the work :) 

Then one year about ten years ago I told my husband I really wanted to start again - so he bought me a weight bench and free weights. I did those consistently for about a month - but like soooo many things I get interested in, I soon became bored and that became neglected. 

So years go by- MANY diets and fads went through my life. I am so seriously educated on fitness and food that I really should be the most buff female around rockin' a HOT total cholesterol well under 200...

Alas, I am not. *sigh*

So, since it is not for lack of knowledge it stands to reason there is something 'wrong' with me, right? 

Like a disorder, or hereditary cause as to why I continue to fail at goals I set. 

Weeeeelllll, physically I could give you a plethora of the medical reasons losing weight is difficult for me - I can even tell you about my raging ADHD that 'assists' my ease at quitting and moving on. It has been an interesting joke that my marriage and parenting have been the only two things I have really stuck with more than two years... 

I found a job- or it found me- that I excelled at about twelve years ago. Despite my ability that job took its toll with the demands of family and a chronically ill child. So God moved me to a different place of employment and same type work on lesser scale. During that time at the other job I did no regular workouts, but did consistently 'discuss' weight loss, the how to's etc - also learned more about diff types of exercise- but still never consistently did anything. 

After the job change, kids were a little older, and a friend introduced me to ZUMBA. Fell. In. Love. 

I mean where else can I shake it to great music and burn massive calories??!! Wow! Changed my life. Then I added weights - started in a class called BodyPump. Oh how the love overflowed for this class also! It was like the best of both worlds, but if you made me choose it would be BodyPump. 

Knew God was going to use this for good - prayed about it and jumped in with both feet- literally. Got certified in ZUMBA. Looked into certification for BodyPump, but you had to be with a gym as an employee that was Les Mills certified, and to do that you would need to be ACE or AFAA certified. So I got my AFAA certification. 

But, right before that I injured my back which stopped my weightlifting - even stopped my teaching Zumba for a while. It was so hard. Then when I went back to BP I think depression set in. It was SO hard looking in those mirrors and seeing how quickly ALL my hard work had almost vanished as far as visible results after only 6 weeks. I truly mourned that. I even became angry that all of it had happened and sat reciting my list of 'if-only' when the realization would hit that I was basically starting over. I just could not wrap my brain around it. So like the person I had a history of being I quit. My back has never been the same, but my attitude could have been. Instead I just quit. I quit even trying - I ate and ate like it was my birthday every day. Soon I gained back all my weight. 

This past year - well really starting in October- I started trying to do other things. BodyFlow was something I started. That was good. It gave me an outlet from Zumba teaching and it therapeutically helped my back. Still, though I looked in the mirror unsatisfied. Back came the 'If-Onlies' again. 

I wanted my range of motion back as well as the definition and shape. 

And the thing I hated MOST to see looking back at me were my 'wings'. 

They jiggle and sway even if I have already stopped moving. Just disgusting. 

But, I had to put that aside and decide if I wanted to stay in my pity party or wanted to get back at 'it' with different tools. 

I decided it was time to fight again. 

Since then (Jan 14 to be exact) I have begun working out more consistently - for me- not just for class. I have actually started eating healthy (only since March though) and I started back with BodyPump(this time at home where there are no mirrors LOL)

It is all still in the infancy stages, but now when I look in the mirror I see what will be and focus on my thankfulness of  what isn't. I am not incapacitated, I am not in a wheel chair, and I am not terminally ill. So, I get up. I move what God gave me. This temple of His. Not just a number on a scale or a pair of pants, but His living, breathing, blessed creation - filled with the Holy Spirit! 

So I am looking at my 'wings' as I do my hair and realize I may never be rid of those, but I won't quit. I will look at those wings as a reminder of where I have been, and where I pray to stay away from. I will continue healthy patterns and not abuse my body with junk. I realize after all these years that yes, I do have medical issues that slow the process down of muscle building and fat loss, but DISCIPLINE is a tool that can get me much closer to my goals than all my excuses. 

So I will welcome discipline into my life, and I plan to use these 'wings' to allow God to help me soar in this next phase of my life and health. 

(I will be rockin' that under 200 cholesterol before you know it! As well as even smaller clothes, but more importantly I will do so for the benefit of God's Temple) 

1 Corinthians 6:12 'everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything' NIV

2 Corinthians 5:17 'therefore, if any man is in Christ he is a new creation: old things are passed away; behold, all things are new' KJV

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 'don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives inside you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.'