So many "defining" moments in my life are begun in small, seemingly insignificant choices made daily - by myself or by those around me. Whether it is that I decide to plan ahead for what I will eat or wear the next day - right down to how I might choose to respond in certain situations should they arise.
Now, just because I 'decide' these things doesn't necessarily mean they will come to pass. I will say, though, that it is much better to decide ahead of time for me than to get to that moment and make a "rash" decision. I usually overextend myself, or over react, or over eat, or am late if I wait til the moment something happens to decide something or how I will respond to something. Unfortunately I also still have to learn that just because I decide on something - like "how it should go" - and it doesn't go that way- doesn't mean my world is falling apart and doesn't call for a deep, dark 'bout of depression served up on the side.
I KNOW in my heart of hearts that Jesus loves me. He cares for me (1Peter 5:7) and would even give His life for me (He already did just to prove it!). So, why do I get all twisted up when plans go awry or things and people get "off track"? Why must I have these control issues?
I know God has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11)- He teaches me something new from each situation I find myself in(Romans 8:28). Sometimes those situations are of my own making through my own choices - however good or bad they might have been at the time. Sometimes I find myself at the mercy of other's choices. This makes me even more sensitive to my children. Sometimes that is good - sometimes they can use that to their advantage. LOL!!
Over these past two months I have run the gamut of emotions once again - hurt, anger, love, annoyance, contentment, peace, joy, hope, despair, and despondence. What I have noticed is that as uncomfortable as I have been with SO MANY of the good and not so good emotions listed here, I have been learning so much about me. What I want, what I need, what I desire, what I long for. I have been asking God to show me His will for my life, my children, and my marriage. That will all come in time. I take things one day at a time - messing up more often than I should probably in the "need to know" what the future holds, but that doesn't mean He tells me - and guess what!? I have been just fine - a little neurotic at times - but okay thanks to His word, good preaching, and great friends to support me in prayer and words.
I cannot tell you how much this time of growing and learning has hurt almost physically at times, but definitely emotionally. I have once again been stretched to the point I thought I would break completely only to be released into the arms of my Savior - and all because of a decision I made - in a moment so "small" so long ago - and yet has been so life altering.
So, your choices determine your life - choose well - I am glad I chose Christ. He has been the best choice I could have ever made for this crazy ride called LIFE.
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