You know - it is true - when you go through something - especially if that thing is something you consider "bad" you draw into yourself and away from others. Vulnerability is not a trait that comes lightly to me.
For about two years I have been praying specifically that God would help me to become a better mother, wife, and friend. I see the good days and bad days in this, but evidently God now feels I am ready for the "fire" so to speak. I am clinging. Clinging to the knowledge that He will never leave me or forsake me, that He does have plans for my life - and this includes plans to prosper - to bring hope and a future - not harm. I am also clinging to the fact that He promises that despite the trials and tribulations of this world - He has overcome the world and as His child I am protected.
I was reminded yesterday that God is in the middle of refining me. Unfortunately this includes "fire". I would - in my flesh - just like to lay down and curl up in His lap and that be it- but that does not bring about true change - the change I have been praying for - to be a better mother - wife - friend. So - as this "firing" process continues and I am learning anew what surrender to Christ really means - bear with me.
I am waiting on God - waiting to see the story He is going to write out of this season of my life in order to bring others closer to Him - if even one person can benefit from help through my "fire" then PRAISE GOD!!
But, please Lord, right now - just get me through it in a way that is pleasing to YOU! Not in the way that my flesh feels is easiest or least painful - please guide my steps, thoughts, words, and actions in the coming days and months.
Thank you, Jesus, for loving me in spite of me, and in turn teaching me how to truly love others even when hurt and distrustful.
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