God's Direction

** this post was originally written in 2011_ just never published - mainly because putting my dreams out there might be a little daunting. Oh well.**

God's Direction is an interesting verb. 

I have given much thought and devoted much prayer and many prayer requests to what God's direction is for me, my family, and my life.
Just when I think I know, something else comes up.
I should be an EXPERT in being content in all situations, but evidently I am missing a few classes and am repeating the course often.HAHAHAHA!!
Personally I don't always find it amusing, but today it is - I learned recently that Paul had his conversion experience 20 YEARS prior to being able to claim contentment in "all" situations.
This gives me such HOPE for myself! WoooHooo!
I have recently been in a season - and in some ways I think I still am - of God just having me learn to be still.  To be still and draw near.  Interesting that I know the EXACT date I was given the verse Matthew 6:33 - July 9, 2011.  This time of learning has been VERY good and also painful in ways. 
I am ecstatic to report that God is AMAZING.  All the time.  Never failing - always providing - patiently waiting.  Loving, Loving, Loving. 
So, as I am taking what I have learned and putting it into action - I am drawn back to something He laid on my heart months and months ago. 
To use fitness as a ministry.  Not just ZUMBA, but fitness in general.  To become further certified and pursue the dream of owning my own place for others to come.  Not just others for working out - but to lead their classes, lead their parties, lead their group.  I don't know all that it will entail, but I do know Christ will be center.  I can't even fully put into words what is in my heart, but I know when the time is right and the season (so to speak ) is right that everything will come together. I am so excited! 

I've got a BIG MOUTH and I am not afraid to use it!

This weekend I was so honored to be able to spend great time with friends and family at my home church's final homecoming.  I realized - once again - not only how much we all put on faces for one another - sometimes out of self protection - and most always out of necessity - I mean - my word! - "what if?" You know what I mean, "what if they knew the truth of what is really going on? would they care or just talk? would they really pray? would they take a small joy in my pain?" That is what the devil wants us all to believe - that way we do not band together in prayer for one another.

This, to me, is a combination of pride - which is sinful and brings destruction according to His word. It is also part fear.  Fear of speaking it, fear of fallout from people knowing our personal truths, etc.  But, I have come to believe that the verse that speaks of two being better than one and a strand of three not being easily broken is so 'en pointe'.  It is not just referring to our spouse or being married, but it is also referring to really standing beside our brother and sister in their pain - standing before God intervening for them and their situation.  Joining with them, not only in prayer, but in honesty.

Through out my entire - almost two years - of  "crisis" I had periods of withdrawing from everyone - times that I didn't dare want anyone to know what was really happening in my life.  Then I had periods where I knew if I didn't have friends that could stand with me then I would probably make stupid, emotional, mistakes in my decisions.  I had to come to identify what the enemy was accomplishing by me allowing pride and fear to be what my filter was.

This weekend I encountered some of my very best friends' from years ago in serious pain.  Some I could just see in the eyes of those that didn't want to disclose anything, but others that shared.  To say my heart is breaking for those I love is such an understatement.  There is absolutely no joy in suffering but I do know that there is joy when we focus on Jesus in our suffering.

For me probably the most difficult thing to come to terms with has been that people are going to suffer and I cannot intervene physically in most cases.  But my God is a God of healing and restoration!! I can definitely get down on my knees for each of them.  There is strength that builds in the waiting.  That time is perfect for growth - cracks are already there in our hearts, but then we get the turning of our heart's soil through the upheaval in life.  Then IF we are actively searching for answers from God, He allows seeds to be given and I believe "take root".  We just have to be careful that we spend good time allowing the right seeds to take root.  Too often our misery brings about emotions that want to control our situation - this is where I have personally benefited from fasting.  Fasting has allowed my "spirit man" to become stronger - and not just because I "abstain" from something during my period of fasting, but that I substitute that food or activity actively getting closer in my walk with Christ.  I change things during that time period.  I have come to see that putting God first brings life, but ignoring him or having him just 'on my list of to-do's' only brings heartache, pain, and sometimes even death to relationships or opportunities.  Does that make sense?

So this weekend I was given the opportunity to help with people's burdens and pain.  I believe my home church is a large reason for where I am today spiritually.  The people God placed in my life at that church helped build a solid foundation in Christ for me in my life.  I cannot begin to thank God enough for that or the people who volunteered their time and energy, food, and homes to those like me coming up in the church.

So, to my friends and family that are currently walking in the fire - please see that while I am not perfect, my family is not perfect, and I have NO IDEA what tomorrow holds - I do know that God is so very faithful to his word.  God knows the situation each of us is in when we are in it and what the outcome will be depending on the choices we each make.  USE the resources He has given.  People around us - true prayer warriors, His word, sermons, and music - and especially the wisdom of those that have walked before us in similar situations.  You will know how that person is doing - what kind of soil they are planted in - by the fruit they are producing.

What I failed to do this weekend was give Christ as much glory as I did ZUMBA and Body Pump.  Those that know me individually know that the outward changes in me are ONLY a reflection of what Christ has been doing inside.  So, for as many times as I was told, "you look great!" this weekend was such an opportunity to share Christs' life changing abilities - but I was afraid of coming across as too preachy, or a know-it-all, or prideful.  God has used ZUMBA and Body Pump to accomplish on the outside what he has been doing on the inside - He has also used this journey into exercise to reaffirm to me, his "slower learning child" what he is capable of and what with him I am capable of.

So, watch out Satan! I am a changed creation of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ - and I have a VERY LOUD MOUTH!  I will not miss the opportunity when asked again, "how did you do it?" to share EXACTLY how GOD has done it.

Romans 8:12-17