Can I just tell you that I LOVE my children? I do. I love them so much!! Today, unlike any other day ever, we arrived at the bus stop an entire 12 minutes early. Now keep in mind, I am the person that always thinks there is one more thing I can do or fit in once I am ready, or I am the one yelling, "run to the car! I hear the bus!".
Not so on this fine rainy morning. It was great. Was there bickering between my children squeezing in? yes. Was there a time a bus came and stopped and none of us (except my first born) paid attention to the fact that it was not their bus, and attempted to get on it - with the driver and my eldest all saying, "WRONG BUS!!" as my five year old headed up the steps. (note to self: read the number in the future.) But even with all that I had such a great morning with them - I was even able to do my morning Bible reading out loud to them and my middle child, Moo, asked questions. Loved it! But the best part of my morning is when they get on the bus and Little Man scoots to the window and waves at me and then blows a kiss (I tell myself the other two don't do this because their seats are on the other side of the bus, but who knows). I know that kind of display will not last forever - already he doesn't ruuuuun to my bed and throw himself at me first thing in the morning anymore. Nope. Now, I am going to him to wake him up because he is sleeping later and later. Just like the girls. He also is no longer the first to welcome me at night when I get home from work, but that is okay - Donner still does.
So, I treasure these "precious moments". I love each of my children dearly and love the current stages they are in. I am just learning not to take for granted all the moments that are easily rushed through and pushed aside - like teaching my oldest how to choose a head of lettuce or why we warm the baking stone in the oven before adding the pizza, or how to cook her own homemade cinnamon toast - and helping her understand the little nuances in that like mixing the cinnamon and sugar before you put them on the bread to give it all a better more even flavor.
I am so glad God is allowing me to be a mom.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Thankful
Well, it is gone. Two days ago, among a series of tears and gritting of teeth, Little Man finally gave up his first tooth. It had to go. It was barely hanging on, the next tooth was growing in behind it, but even knowing that, he didn't want it to actually be pulled.
It was interesting to me as I sat in the floor holding him as I pried it out and talked to him - that I am like that. So scared most times of the unknown. That "first time" for anything and rather than listen to those that have traveled that road before me I would rather hang on to where I am by the last thread no matter what is pushing me out of, or along, the way. Then I find out, when I am finally forced to let go, that it really wasn't so bad, and the pride I have from moving on was worth the pain - and usually the view is better, too :D
So, I am thankful. Thankful for these small reminders. Thankful for relatively healthy kids. Thankful for God's continued patience and love for me - even when I sit kicking and screaming over something He knows is really the best for me - and in the end, I see it, too.
Just really, really thankful.
It was interesting to me as I sat in the floor holding him as I pried it out and talked to him - that I am like that. So scared most times of the unknown. That "first time" for anything and rather than listen to those that have traveled that road before me I would rather hang on to where I am by the last thread no matter what is pushing me out of, or along, the way. Then I find out, when I am finally forced to let go, that it really wasn't so bad, and the pride I have from moving on was worth the pain - and usually the view is better, too :D
So, I am thankful. Thankful for these small reminders. Thankful for relatively healthy kids. Thankful for God's continued patience and love for me - even when I sit kicking and screaming over something He knows is really the best for me - and in the end, I see it, too.
Just really, really thankful.
Friday, January 9, 2009
The Silly Spa
Last night in the midst of my marathon of catching up on the first 3 seasons of the show "24", I remembered what I had written yesterday. As I was putting the kids to bed, Moo was reading to us out of the Bible, Little Man was drinking his final "cuppy", and Boo was sitting with me listening, messing around, just being silly.
For those of you that don't know me, I am easily distracted, scattered more often than not, and have impulse issues - like when something pops into my mind, but something else is going on or someone else is talking - I have had to learn to PHYSICALLY keep my mouth closed until said thing is done. WOW! So hard to do most times - oh the conversations I have with myself about this! ANYWAY - So this happened last night and I didn't keep my mouth shut - so I saw these hair rollers that Moo had gotten for Christmas sticking out from under her bed (why were they under there? Who knows - probably because that was quicker than stepping into the bathroom across the hall and putting them up - that battle continues). So - that set off having an impromptu makeover and massage from my three kids. Yes, even Little Man Tate got into the act. We really had a great time - laughing - making mom look funny and just talking. Did they get to bed on time? No. But one night out of the week - who really cares?
Of course this morning they were also very ready to see what I looked like and if my hair had curled well - but alas, they were up too late to see the mushroom that was my hair before I washed it all out!
I love my kids!
For those of you that don't know me, I am easily distracted, scattered more often than not, and have impulse issues - like when something pops into my mind, but something else is going on or someone else is talking - I have had to learn to PHYSICALLY keep my mouth closed until said thing is done. WOW! So hard to do most times - oh the conversations I have with myself about this! ANYWAY - So this happened last night and I didn't keep my mouth shut - so I saw these hair rollers that Moo had gotten for Christmas sticking out from under her bed (why were they under there? Who knows - probably because that was quicker than stepping into the bathroom across the hall and putting them up - that battle continues). So - that set off having an impromptu makeover and massage from my three kids. Yes, even Little Man Tate got into the act. We really had a great time - laughing - making mom look funny and just talking. Did they get to bed on time? No. But one night out of the week - who really cares?
Of course this morning they were also very ready to see what I looked like and if my hair had curled well - but alas, they were up too late to see the mushroom that was my hair before I washed it all out!
I love my kids!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
First Tooth
So, the last of my three has a loose tooth. At the risk of sounding like a completely enmeshed, overprotective, sappy mom - here goes. I AM SO SAD!! Happy for him, but sad for me. No more "little boy" - working on being a "big boy". I know that will bring even more fabulous moments, but I mourn ( a little) what I don't think I fully appreciated while I had it.
So, IF I could do something it would be "PASS IT ON". What I mean by that is that I know that as a parent, wife, etc. there has been SO MUCH I have taken for granted and let slip - and sometimes even PUSHED - past. Don't you ever say "I can't wait 'til.........." (you fill in the blank) to your husband or kids and then later - years, months, whatever - look back and realize that "til" has occurred and you really don't even like it and wish you could go back? Well, I do and I have. So, to pass it on, I would like to tell all new moms - YES, sometimes you do not bond right off with your newborn - you are okay - and the bond will come - maybe when they are walking or even just sleeping through the night (so you can appreciate them more ;0) but it will come. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on . For those of you out there that felt that "bond" right off with your first - don't take that for granted either - that is great!
Then I would tell you - SIT DOWN!! When they are toddlers just learning how to play - sit down - imagine with them- read to them- dress up with them ! (yes, even the boys need to dress up!) Talk about a stress reducer! When you don't feel like you have anything left to give - the check book won't balance, the food all burned - or worse, you only have ramen noodles and tomato soup - you are so tired and have piles of laundry or feel like you deserve some "me time" because the day/week has been soooooo rough - SIT DOWN!! Sit down with them and see what a glorious gift God has given you and wants you to appreciate. I don't think I did too well with this with my first - I was so focused on making sure all milestones were met (or exceeded in her case) and making sure I was holding my job, balancing the bills, taking time for me, and planning for the next one (yes, next baby) - that I didn't take the time I wish now I would have to complete that bond that was forming. But, each day is new and I see the importance of it now and try to do these things. I am so not perfect (as you have already figured out from my other posts) and this is just another area God is perfecting in me. Satan on the other hand, wants me bound up, busy, tired, irritable, etc. so I don't sit down - so I don't take time - and then maybe he can use that to his advantage - NO WAY!! Walking with God - praying against that - have to work harder than some others at time to really do this, but then my five year old comes to me and shows me his first loose tooth and I think - WOW! Thank you, God. Thank you for waking me up - for reminding me that TV is not as important than the time with my kids. That "me" time will come - and probably all too soon - because there will be no small children in my home anymore - they will be starting their own families instead. Thank you, also for reminding me that You have my back! (Jeremiah 29:11)
Do I have more to pass on? You bet! Just not today - I will save it all for another entry.........
So, IF I could do something it would be "PASS IT ON". What I mean by that is that I know that as a parent, wife, etc. there has been SO MUCH I have taken for granted and let slip - and sometimes even PUSHED - past. Don't you ever say "I can't wait 'til.........." (you fill in the blank) to your husband or kids and then later - years, months, whatever - look back and realize that "til" has occurred and you really don't even like it and wish you could go back? Well, I do and I have. So, to pass it on, I would like to tell all new moms - YES, sometimes you do not bond right off with your newborn - you are okay - and the bond will come - maybe when they are walking or even just sleeping through the night (so you can appreciate them more ;0) but it will come. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on . For those of you out there that felt that "bond" right off with your first - don't take that for granted either - that is great!
Then I would tell you - SIT DOWN!! When they are toddlers just learning how to play - sit down - imagine with them- read to them- dress up with them ! (yes, even the boys need to dress up!) Talk about a stress reducer! When you don't feel like you have anything left to give - the check book won't balance, the food all burned - or worse, you only have ramen noodles and tomato soup - you are so tired and have piles of laundry or feel like you deserve some "me time" because the day/week has been soooooo rough - SIT DOWN!! Sit down with them and see what a glorious gift God has given you and wants you to appreciate. I don't think I did too well with this with my first - I was so focused on making sure all milestones were met (or exceeded in her case) and making sure I was holding my job, balancing the bills, taking time for me, and planning for the next one (yes, next baby) - that I didn't take the time I wish now I would have to complete that bond that was forming. But, each day is new and I see the importance of it now and try to do these things. I am so not perfect (as you have already figured out from my other posts) and this is just another area God is perfecting in me. Satan on the other hand, wants me bound up, busy, tired, irritable, etc. so I don't sit down - so I don't take time - and then maybe he can use that to his advantage - NO WAY!! Walking with God - praying against that - have to work harder than some others at time to really do this, but then my five year old comes to me and shows me his first loose tooth and I think - WOW! Thank you, God. Thank you for waking me up - for reminding me that TV is not as important than the time with my kids. That "me" time will come - and probably all too soon - because there will be no small children in my home anymore - they will be starting their own families instead. Thank you, also for reminding me that You have my back! (Jeremiah 29:11)
Do I have more to pass on? You bet! Just not today - I will save it all for another entry.........
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Loud Enough Even When
So here I am - Four days after my complete surrender - and am humbled to say not only am I turning to God more and more, but I find myself LISTENING more - taking it in!! Wow! I am physically tired, but that is okay - I know the reasons for that - I am spiritually on fire! I am not as hungry. I have ice cream at home that I am not eating - I am not obsessing. Thank you, Lord. Thank you.
I was speaking with my sister last week - she is going through significant problems in her life right now. I have known for a long time that the answer for her is a personal relationship with Christ. On Sunday that became very real to me. I have always been quick with advice and slow to listen - thinking I understood - because, the Lord knows there have been quite a few trials and struggles that I have had to overcome or get through in my short 34 years - but I can't think back to anything that has owned me like this.
My heart breaks for addicts, but at the same time I have always been of the school of "buck up" stand up - do what needs to be done, join a class and get over it already!! Easier said than done. I worked with addicts for seven years - minuscule amount of time I know - but a lot of time in other ways. Even during that time - I loved them - commiserated, but still felt like if they would just "work the program" they would get "it". Wow - not so right. Yes, you do have to bottom out - I did on Sunday - yes - you do need a support group - I have that, too, just not a formal one - although I highly recommend AA for those suffering from alcoholism or alanon for those that are friends or family members to help better understand the addict's thinking and reasoning -- but I think I now realize it all comes down to heart. Some say just do the work and the heart will follow - yeah, sometimes it does - and I can argue that here - I've done the "work" but it has required my heart - Now I stand here with my heart wide open waiting on God to change, mold and work in me. I am thrilled, excited, and eagerly awaiting what is to come. I know he has BIG plans for me and my family. Look at all that has already happened and what testimonies there are from it! God has provided EXACTLY who and what we have needed EXACTLY when and where we have needed it - from my childhood on up to now.
My grandfather says my son will be a preacher because he (my grandfather feels that calling on his life) I don't know if that is how it works, but I know that Little Man Tate has a true heart for God - and the girls - they LOVE SO MUCH!! I am THRILLED to be their mother!! We have our days - no one is perfect - my girls argue and make ugly faces at each other and the 9 year old girl and my 5 year old son insist on egging each other on to the point that the other day I told them if they couldn't work together and respect each other's things and spaces I was tying them together with a bandanna around their wrists and they would have to stay that way all day. Wow - what a difference in my home!! May not have been perfect parenting - didn't have to do it, but they considered their options and have chosen to get along - and so far it hasn't come back up as an option because the truce has lasted!
All this to say - I am learning not to be so hard on myself or others - that when offering advice to my sister and she throws back "oh yeah - where is all this coming from? I know you have down days?" I can hope she continues to see that yeah - down days, but not days of total despair because my hope resides in the Lord!! No matter what - everything will work out for my good - even if the now is bad - Romans 8:28. I know family is the last to listen. I just hope my life is LOUD ENOUGH EVEN WHEN...............................................
I was speaking with my sister last week - she is going through significant problems in her life right now. I have known for a long time that the answer for her is a personal relationship with Christ. On Sunday that became very real to me. I have always been quick with advice and slow to listen - thinking I understood - because, the Lord knows there have been quite a few trials and struggles that I have had to overcome or get through in my short 34 years - but I can't think back to anything that has owned me like this.
My heart breaks for addicts, but at the same time I have always been of the school of "buck up" stand up - do what needs to be done, join a class and get over it already!! Easier said than done. I worked with addicts for seven years - minuscule amount of time I know - but a lot of time in other ways. Even during that time - I loved them - commiserated, but still felt like if they would just "work the program" they would get "it". Wow - not so right. Yes, you do have to bottom out - I did on Sunday - yes - you do need a support group - I have that, too, just not a formal one - although I highly recommend AA for those suffering from alcoholism or alanon for those that are friends or family members to help better understand the addict's thinking and reasoning -- but I think I now realize it all comes down to heart. Some say just do the work and the heart will follow - yeah, sometimes it does - and I can argue that here - I've done the "work" but it has required my heart - Now I stand here with my heart wide open waiting on God to change, mold and work in me. I am thrilled, excited, and eagerly awaiting what is to come. I know he has BIG plans for me and my family. Look at all that has already happened and what testimonies there are from it! God has provided EXACTLY who and what we have needed EXACTLY when and where we have needed it - from my childhood on up to now.
My grandfather says my son will be a preacher because he (my grandfather feels that calling on his life) I don't know if that is how it works, but I know that Little Man Tate has a true heart for God - and the girls - they LOVE SO MUCH!! I am THRILLED to be their mother!! We have our days - no one is perfect - my girls argue and make ugly faces at each other and the 9 year old girl and my 5 year old son insist on egging each other on to the point that the other day I told them if they couldn't work together and respect each other's things and spaces I was tying them together with a bandanna around their wrists and they would have to stay that way all day. Wow - what a difference in my home!! May not have been perfect parenting - didn't have to do it, but they considered their options and have chosen to get along - and so far it hasn't come back up as an option because the truce has lasted!
All this to say - I am learning not to be so hard on myself or others - that when offering advice to my sister and she throws back "oh yeah - where is all this coming from? I know you have down days?" I can hope she continues to see that yeah - down days, but not days of total despair because my hope resides in the Lord!! No matter what - everything will work out for my good - even if the now is bad - Romans 8:28. I know family is the last to listen. I just hope my life is LOUD ENOUGH EVEN WHEN...............................................
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